dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
