That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
