I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How naked do you want me to be?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
