My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
