I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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