well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
