I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
