i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
