I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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