so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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