the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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