I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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