at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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