Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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