so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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