I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize