Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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