so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
