This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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