You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
