If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
