i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
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I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
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If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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