Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
