is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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