I think my vagina is haunted
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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