Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
