My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
