before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
