i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize