you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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