waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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