Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
