i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need a beard to bite.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
