We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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