im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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