Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Did I show you my penis last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
