Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
