Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
