I wish I could punch you in the face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
