Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
