Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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