That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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