i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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