I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
