Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
