what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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