U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
