Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
