You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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