How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
