I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
