Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
