yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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