just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize