i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
