Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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