Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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