So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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