Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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