I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
