well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
