Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
