i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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