I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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