i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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