He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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