I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
