google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
