I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
