come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
