i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
