found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
