I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
