The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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