i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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