ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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