Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
