I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
