i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All the doctor said was why
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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