if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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