ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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